It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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