I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
