but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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