this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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