im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
