I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
