so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
