Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
