I looked at my own cervix.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
