my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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