I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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