Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
