My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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