Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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