Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
