Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
