So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
