we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
