Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
