we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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