Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
