If that was your dad, he is hot
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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