dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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