wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
