Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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