Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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