Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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