I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
