I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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