You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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