Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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