white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I enjoy the company of your penis
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
