took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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