so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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