I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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