It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
