suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
