Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
