Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
