I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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