Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
