Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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