I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
