He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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