So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
