Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Drunk is not a location!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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