She's JV to your varsity
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
