Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
