Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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