Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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