Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
is wine microwaveable?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
