Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
