also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
