Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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