i already hear my dad disowning me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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