Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
