Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
