My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
