I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
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