Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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