I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
